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Thoughts that I had this week

I am incensed, mortified really, by Megyn Kelly’s performative and Low IQ transphobia on full display during her segment covering the Met Gala, where she in sloppy Joan Rivers-drag tries to read Hunter Schafer for filth (and then fails to clock wheelchair Arianna Philips, who was stunnosha).

I’m fine with her calling Sam Smith a “they/them devil worshipper” because… well Sam Smith would probably agree. But then Megyn says “Anna Wintour, are you okay with this? The exploitation of little girls by grown ass men? That’s sick!” She is referring to Hunter Schafer wearing a custom Prada dress which references a Klimt painting of a young girl. The dress is fab and Hunter looks fab.

Megyn isn’t dumb so I don’t think her outrage is sincere. She knows the dress harms no one. Megyn, like Tucker talking about Nick Fuentes, is envious of a younger rival’s youth and beauty. Hunter is a model and actress at the Met Gala, and Megyn isn’t. Nick is the only political commentator anyone cares about, and Tucker is well past the peak of his influence. Megyn and Tucker both want to position themselves as principled and rational conservatives warning you about cultural decline, but fail to hide their own professional jealousy. (beauty is every woman’s profession.)

There is no audience for this because every thinking person in America is aware of the general decline of our empire and knows how bad things truly are. This is below the threshold of what we can consider news. I personally cannot sustain interest in media that doesn’t inspire hope. Hunter and Nick losing weight, being young, beautiful, and able to express joy, inspires me much more than old people telling me things used to be better. And generally the inability to enjoy the success of others is indicative of the sin of pride, the antidote to which is Humility.

I feel like we could all stand to be a little bit nicer to each other, and more understanding of each other’s faults. I have been struggling the past few years with a brain tumor, with the primary symptoms being brain fog, fatigue, and weight gain, which are extremely vague and, if you are trying to convince people you are not lazy and lacking in discipline, are a pretty hard sell. “Hey, I can’t come to your party tonight, I have to lay in bed for 8 hours before falling asleep for 12.” It’s just not convincing, especially if you are someone who would be, in a state of perfect health, still a little bit unreliable and lacking in “big-five Conscientiousness.”

And yet, I keep in mind that without the Cross there is no Crown, without the thorn there is no throne. If I am a monster now, imagine how awful I would be if I had not suffered? A person cannot be wise without knowing grief. I think the conservative movement in America has created an unstoppable force by trying to suppress Nick Fuentes for so long. Megyn and Tucker had it relatively easy in comparison, and so will never be fighters. Trump also has lost more in his life than most people have won, which is why he became the most powerful man in the world. For similar reasons, I support the modeling industry. Facing rejection head on teaches you humility and discipline, qualities which make a beautiful woman world-historically powerful.

So although the weakness of my own flesh has thwarted some of my ambitions, what were those ambitions for? Talent and charisma are gifts given to us by God to glorify Him. To glorify oneself is futile and a bootless chase. One person who understands this intuitively is WoahVicky, who appears shockingly unconcerned with her self. With WoahVicky one senses there is no inner monologue, no burden of shame or pretension, no “plan.” My evidence is Clavicular’s shock when she mentions she makes no money from being online. Clavicular, being a man, is more shrewd and practical when it comes to monetizing his platform, but also carries with him a shocking humility. He lives for an ideal, the perfection of the flesh, though he does this through the eyes of an artist, and not necessarily with the goal of idolatry. He reminds me more of the anonymous sculptors of antiquity, with the Antinuous statues Paglia loves so much, or the medieval monastic composers whose names we don’t know but whose plainsong we still chant in the liturgy. As for Vicky, I’m reminded of Anika Jade Levy saying “Money is like attention for women.”

WoahVicky and Clavicular are basically alone in humility among their peer influencer class, the majority of whose self-promotion and solipsism audiences quietly find repulsive, and ironically preclusive of any real “fame.” In the end, nobody gets away with anything, and I truly believe that virtue triumphs vice always. There are no shortcuts, and we shouldn’t let the appearance of things distract us from seeing what they really are.

I forgot to say earlier (and I’m not going back to edit, this is a stream of consciousness blog) that Megyn Kelly lacks any aesthetic sense whatsoever and is practically the progenitor of MAGA female styling and so should not even try to be a fashion commentator. What I will say is that I like that she wears weave and I think it’s cool that she discovered anorexia in her 50’s.

I honestly think it is a disgrace for a woman (I here use that term loosely) to grow old without experiencing the maximum beauty and thinness her body is capable of achieving. I praise the inventors of the GLP-1 agonist drugs for helping more and more women discover the figure and face card given to them by God. I have zero shame in admitting that I have been using Tirzepatide since August 2022 and I have zero intention of stopping. I was a normal BMI weight before GLP-1’s, but I was hungry and I wanted more.

Anorexia is a terrible disease that can ruin lives, but when I see a 22 year old girl with toothpick legs pumping it through the Lower East Side of Manhattan in her light brown Uggs all I feel is a sense of awe, a lightness in my chest, a smile across my face, I want to shout – “Work it baby!”, like the older black women in Philadelphia who used to gas me up when I was a transsexual teenager causing problems in the streets. The greatest models are underweight. The thin body simply photographs better, a lack of fat better showing us the work of God’s hands. A young girl who is anorexic is saying to the world, I’m hungry, I’m going for it, you can’t stop me as I spread my narrow hands and shrink my tiny waist to better make room for Paradise….

On the flip side, if you reach 30 never having had a fat era, are you really alive? Are you really a person who is alive if food interests you that little? If a constant thinness really that easy for you, maybe I’ve mistaken your discipline for apathy. And for an artist, a person whose soul is that of an artist, such a thing is utterly impossible. Look at Lana, who blows up like a balloon when she is happy and creative. We must consider that perhaps obesity is the natural state of the genius. Think of Marlon Brando, Honore de Balzac, Johann Sebastian Bach, Maria Callas…. all of these people were tobacco smokers as well.

I’m planning a concert soon but I’m worried people don’t like music. I’m honestly not sure what people like anymore. I know people like sex and drugs but I don’t like either of those things and in fact am repulsed by both. I’m not sure if people like reading, or what they would enjoy reading. I’ve never really understood money, or the ways it comes and goes, which seem so utterly random to me. What are some things you like?

It’s so hard for me to read books lately but I did read Flat Earth in full, and it was amazing. Levy holds up a mirror to modern life that is delicious and addictive. Reading her book is like scrolling. The prose is easy and real.

I feel the same way about Sam Levinson’s Euphoria, which also inspired ugly menopausal rage from Megyn Kelly, whose dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his face in a glass. Euphoria exposes America for what she really is, and nobody can escape the decisions they’ve made. Everyone is either a sex worker or completely broke, which at least in my personal social milieu is totally accurate. Rue is in debt and thinks she’s a man. Nate is in debt and castrated by his greedy fat wife and gay pedophile father (which, by the way, and everyone forgets this, was the cause, canonically, of Oedipus’ curse). He is still enchanted by the castrate Jules, who throws away her chance at a college education to be admired by dogs.

I don’t think Jules or Hunter are autogynephilic. This is more Low IQ Transphobia. None of you actually understand Blanchard or Bailey, whose work I discovered when I was an actual teenage transsexual seeking attention and funding from older men on Grindr. Hunter’s 2018 instagram art (the backlash to which Episode 4’s plot geniusly references) about the eroticized aggression of others is not evidence of the erotic target location error described in the 90’s psychological literature on male gender dysphoria. I think Hunter and Jules are both sensitive young dolls whose sexuality, psychologically and physically stunted by early medical intervention, is dreamy and diffuse enough to lack a clear target in the way clinicians used to describe post-pubescent transsexual motivations. To what extent can we say that a person whose puberty was blocked is heterosexual or homosexual? I think in these cases, the sexual impulse is filtered and confused, and such a person would feel basically the same when partnered with an intact and fully developed male or female. It isn’t clear to me that a puberty-blocked transsexual would even be capable of romantic or sexual partnership with another person. On some level, Sam Levinson understands this, and write Jules as queer polyamorous fairy or elven creature who is motivated to live by indiscriminate sexual attention from anyone at all, and for whom the reality of sex is only a punchline.

Jules is possibly the most accurate transsexual fictional character ever written. She isn’t too traumatized to flirt with Cal, her literal statutory rapist, at his son’s wedding. She pretends to not want to see Rue, but only to stoke the flames of her lesbian desire. (Side note – nobody has ever played a dyke better than Zendaya). Jules’ greatest aspiration is to be an object d’art, a butterfly trapped under glass. She has zero agency over her own life , she has basically no desires or distinctive thoughts, she just exists to be used by other people – who she forgives instantly with no need for repentance, or even recognition of past wrongs. In a word, she is a doll.

And to be clear I’m not even upset about the scrapped story line where Lexi goes back to East Highland and assistant directs a school production of Spring Awakening starring Ivy Wolk, Nettspend, and myself. I trust Sam’s vision and I trust God’s plan for my life. I am pretty sure that I will be cast in Season 4 as a religious person of indeterminate gender who complicates everything. Nick Fuentes and Azealia Banks will also be joining the cast.

Today a bunch of alien documents came out but nobody gives a fuck because it’s another nothingburger. Also nobody cares about the hantavirus really. Nobody cares about anything and there is no monoculture outside of Euphoria and Donald Trump but it’s okay because I think the world is ending very, very soon, certainly within our lifetimes, and I don’t think we need to save money for retirement or worry about the effects of smoking. There’s just no time.

Anyways if you liked my writing please consider subscribing to my Substack because I am about to run out of money and I don’t have rich parents or a sugar daddy. Mwah X